A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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