u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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