see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
