two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
