I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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