We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
worst night to have a conscience
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
