she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
