can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
