we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
