Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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