There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
