I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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