This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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