You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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