i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
