none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
