I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
And then he peed in my hair
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