Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
