I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
