Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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