while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Send help, water and tortillas.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
