Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
