"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
