meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Pants are for mortals
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
