Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
