please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
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