when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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