wat bout pragnant strippers??
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
there was a trapeze. enough said
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
