The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
