stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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