Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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