i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
