I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
