I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
