Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
