i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
