One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
