I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
