I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
