Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
