So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
