I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
