Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
