Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i drank out of a bidet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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