I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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