I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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