Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
