Can i not drive my cunt home
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
