Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
