Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
