I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
