Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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